Why? Why? Why? I'm asking myself the same question. Why did I go to Starship Troopers. Peer pressure is the only answer. It was a farewell for a friend and he chose this movie based on a glowing recommendation from a certain member of The Movie Show.

Admittedly, there was one positive in this movie: the effects were great. The cockroach/spider/lobster creatures looked real enough to be pretty scary and when they marched en masse across the landscape, it looked fantastic. So that's one for the computer programmers.

Well, that's it for the positive points. Let's get straight to the worst part of the movie, the acting (and already I'm exaggerating). The cast consisted of a plethora of Ken and Barbie dolls, all interchangeable and all completely forgettable. All the Barbie dolls had cute button noses and all the Kens had square jaws. And their acting made Mr. Andrew Shue (Melrose Place) look like the ultimate thespian.

Hand in hand with the bad acting is the terrible script. Perhaps better acting could have made the script seem a bit better; perhaps a better script might have made the acting bearable. Either way, they dragged each other down to depths previously unplummeted. My favourite bit (and this is favourite in the sense of the most pathetic part of the movie) is when Barbie 2 is dying in Ken 1's arms. Barbie 2 had been in love with Ken 1 for the whole movie and Ken 1 had rejected her, until finally they made love. After Barbie 2 gets gored by the pincers of a bug, she looks up at Ken 1 and says, "It's ok. I can handle this because I've had you." I gather this was meant to be a touching moment.

On top of this, it was so long. Trashy, stupid sci-fi movies should be 90 minutes at a maximum. That way, we get taken along on a fun adventure where the effects are the most important thing and the story line doesn't matter so much. When the movie is over two hours, then there has to be some sort of story and some sort of acting. Instead, the basic plot was attack the enemy, and each time they lost, I just knew that there had to be another battle. The worst part is that it's been set up perfectly for a sequel!

A few of the people with whom I saw the movie thought it was so bad, it was good. I beg to differ. The only way to render that interpretation on this movie is to rent it on video, drink copious amounts of alcohol and watch it with a group of the most sarcastic people you know. That's its only chance.

Mr. Paul Verhoeven took us from Total Recall to Basic Instinct to Showgirls to this. One can only hope that we don't get another outing from him. I can't imagine sinking any lower than Starship Troopers.

Rating: F