Going to see Shakespeare In Love I learnt a lesson that I've learnt many times before and I'm sure I'll learn many times again. It kind of undermines this web-site but the lesson is: Never listen to critics!

I had seen the preview for Shakespeare In Love and it looked exactly like the kind of movie I would hate. Three things, however, worked against me. First, the critics were raving about it. It was getting ten out of tens, and fours stars and two thumbs way up. Second, a friend of mine believes that whatever impression a preview gives, the only thing you can be sure of is that the movie isn't like that. Third, Colin Firth was in it. So, off I went.

Perhaps the lesson should be always trust your first instincts. Shakespeare In Love was a trial to sit through. There are so many reasons why this is a painful movie: let me count the ways.

1. Gwyneth Paltrow and her nasal British accent. Are there no British female actors of the right age to play this part? (Perhaps they all read the script and had too much sense.) Or if we must have an American actor to drag in the US audience, could we please have someone different? After Emma and Sliding Doors I've had enough of the British Ms. Paltrow.
2. Romeo and Juliet. I will confess that I think this is one of Shakespeare's weakest plays. Perhaps it was revolutionary for the times, perhaps it tells an amazing story, but really, it's now such an overdone plot in Hollywood: star crossed lovers, insurmountable barriers, passion beyond compare. In Shakespeare In Love, we don't only have to sit through the story of Romeo and Juliet, we have to sit through the rehearsals and the performance of it, just in case we don't get the allegory.*
3. More British accents. I will admit that Ben Affleck played quite a good role but there were moments when his accent wandered. At one point this event caused me to laugh at the most inappropriate moment. I prefer Kenneth Branaugh's approach of letting people speak in their own accent. It's not like historical authenticity was a point here: the British people were speaking with twentieth century accents.
4. Did Gwyneth Paltrow really need to have her breast bound to pass as a boy?
5. The soap opera production values. By this I mean the climactic moment, serious close-up of our male hero as he reacts to the situation, amazing close-up of our female hero as she reacts to the situation, quick shot of a couple of the by-standers for their reaction, back to the heros, lingering on their faces, cut to a commercial. Ok, so we didn't get the commercial but we got everything else.

Are there any good points to this movie? Well, it looks beautiful. They may all behave like they're in General Hospital but they've got a budget that would make television people weep. Apart from the wandering accents, all the performances are quite good and finally, Colin Firth is in it. He seems to be specialising in playing the baddies opposite people of the Fiennes family (see The English Patient).

Speaking of which, if you liked that movie, you'll probably like this. They're very similar: star-crossed lovers, insurmountable barriers, passion beyond compare. Are there no original ideas in movies any more?

Rating: CP